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how could i let him hurt me so much, apparently it was there but i never saw it i allowed myself to fall and now im falling further. how can he get up and walk away, this day may nearly have taken over yesterday in sheer pain. i did i manage to my heart ripped out and shat on without even seeing any flashing signs, i want someone to hold me forever and say nothing, sometimes nothing needs to be said
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Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
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what the hell do you study for japanese i mean wha? help me someone
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Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
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nobody can kill this buzz........
sah... actually you all can
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its weir,d this is liek the first time ever i feel like writing i just want to write and write everything down but the truth is i still have nothing to say. i suppose i could go on froever and for once i am not actually caring about any typing mistake si make very rejuvenating as is walking, i might take up walking alot even though mainly because it is a procrastination against all the study i ahve to do which is alot. i wnat to know how people delved there first examies but i think you are all out which does not surprise not that we talk anyway i am drifting drifting away but driftiung in general like a little molecule and some bniology stuff. driving to school today past park saw lize and scar there mum thought i wnated to stop and take them to school we nearly ran peter rowsthorn over in a car proceeding with peter and i waving weirdly out the window. and saw megs and yelle dout window. my things here says that my people wouldve had art, music and pe each your respective realms. and mine italian i guess. was ghood and bad easy and hard and i dont know cause itll probably be out of about 10 which means losing one mark shatters itd won, i ahte that. new news i just found out kris is with jes now, which is nice wouldve assume dthatd skimp as well though. though i dont know what my relationship with jes is at the moment, i feel as if even from my breakdown last eyar she doenst kow how to deal with me so doenst. this rant is very calming, i should be more worried about biol but i dont know even though i probably wont ace it i am not that worried about it english is scaring me out the window cause i ahve lost my english edge, sometimes i can write well but lately especially on schlindler i have just had an enlgish brain meltdown. i wnat people to come to peters, but i feel its dismissed i dont know wwhat im thinking there in fact im going to stop here.
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Friday, January 7th, 2005
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| Time: | 8:12 pm. |
| Mood: |  rejuvenated. | | Music: | JBT. |
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hello i aam at subway
subway rocks my jocks but not as much as tavis wooOOOOoooOOOO~\
~I aM tHe CoOlEsT~
$42.10
im sorry guys if you are all out having a good time without me tonight because i am stuck here and welcome home jes and many sorrow to the going away of iezobelle` but you shall return along with our darling megsy who we still love you
we need to have a massive partay and get busy!! *does the movement*... yes you all know what i mean and by you i mean at least leslie ska and stephy
*kisses*
me
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Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
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well its over
but i actually feel really weird like free
doenst make a differnece to me anyway really as i never saw him but too many committments will do that to ya
ok sonow we need to move on because after all these weeks im... restless
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Saturday, November 20th, 2004
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i ahte him sturpid trud he doenst even care doesnt even make an effort its been liek weeks now and i,, errgggh hes annoyuing seems like everyw eekend im like hey what are you doing and hes just like schmeh sleeping studying watching movies with friends why dont you even give a fuck why is it you ahve so many communication problems i sometimes think your niot even looking at me and that you struggle to is it that hard i just wnat...
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Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
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| Time: | 11:28 am. |
| Mood: |  sleepy. |
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it almost saturday
imm so excited i think this weekend may possibly bring much joy to all and megan i lied you will be my favouritst on monday
woot~
ooh shopping yay
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Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
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been major upset mo lately, but its not all times, it just comes over me and the floodworks happen id say it was hard to explain it but i know what gets to me, i dont feel as if i am part of that any more, the three of us from long ago, they always have each other and now they have all these other times as well and im just not there anymore, like a third wheel, but it all comes back to that power she has over me and the fact i know i am the extra wheel with them and their bond. but lately it has all gotten to me many things she says and does have brought me to tears, possibly all stemming from her talking about leaving, i probably dont have real issues in fact i feel it may all be jealously particularly of him, i dont know him i only met him once...
the littlest things have broken me, like a snap or not saying hello or them leaving to do their own thing, i want... too much
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Saturday, October 9th, 2004
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Friday, October 8th, 2004
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Monday, September 20th, 2004
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man adelaide was the biggest borefest in the world, dont get me wrong i love that place but i sat with grandparents for 3 days straight. there was teh footy club bash but knowing noone and having them all 14 or 26 doenst really help. however it did sweat up my arse cleavage like a mofo and now i yearn for the beach and grass frollicking and all the summery things i have done in 10 months. there are 3 things i need to do these hols 1. is beach up my arse and other such funs. 2. is shop cause i am moneyed up but things to a minimal. and 3. other than find myself AGAIN i think i went missing somewhere near tailem bend, is find everyone i suffer separation anxiety but need something special.
what are you doing tomorrow? general question i think most are away. i wnat some one on one time with you thoughor some small groupage, i need some bondage.,..ahh fuck... not that.... well some d&m bonding and i need it now.
love to all
peace
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Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
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ellen like others enjoys talking in third person
ellen had another breakdown surprising the second in 5 days, at least ellen and lize got to leave maths at 2 and chill then paint and return at 3 15, a lesson well skipped. ellen told her alot, alot she thought she wouldnt actually say and probably wasnt accurate. worried jes, it means alot to me that she knew and i dont know if im going to be able to explain to her as coherantly as i did this afternoon and probably fuck ellen over and get the ellen has no problems and i cant help response. but its true my problems are not terrible infact my problems are your (plural) problems so it is really not ellen who needs the help.
ellen just needs everyone but she needs them to need ellen
period
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Monday, September 6th, 2004
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go chelt!
well big night on all counts but im a little ashamed, i mean stu is a nice guy and it took for ever to actually get him but then things got nasty in the spa and i hardly remember how it all went down. shame ellen shame
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Friday, September 3rd, 2004
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| Time: | 9:00 am. |
| Mood: |  amused. | | Music: | happy irthday ellen love jes 1. |
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english, miss dorian tried to get us to work, said we were bored within the first 5 minutes "do whatever you wnat" maths circus erupts.... and there was much rejoicing
eri got her tongue pierced im so jeal i want one
it cains like a bitch tho, but eris sooo hot! like omg, i so want her, shes jus amazing! if the world was like eri... it would b great!!
yes eri you are vunderbra!!
anyway on a serious note, what am i talking bout i dont hve one yay!
pfft im meant to be going out with raph tonight who wnats in?
hes short so im not a fan and i think i wnat to be with joel.... ^:S... thats one of them eyebrow raised smilies
how is everyone, you all seem alright latelyand im lovin it, if anyone has any issues im here but i think its smooth this week
katj hows erol i know its ll gone to shit but can you deal? havent seen you much this week so lets have a cruise bitchen
jes seriously why did you put sugar sugar on my cd, some sort of sick joke?
hokay i need to do something wild, what can you suggest, yep thats right wild
mikes moved and im worried he'll probably njust sit and eat, he wont like being alone, apparently he was sad and scared last night and i know hes gotta be able to do thngs for himself but hes not an intrapersonal person
man these headphones suck
whats up for everyones weekend and have ended up working tomorrow night but i deal cause i know someone has to do it and one sat night every couple of months i can deal with
going to adelaide first w/e of the hols but driving up and driving back and its only for a w/e so better be worth it, i wnat to spend more time there, i love it and i really wnat to go back. if i was rolling in the dough maybe.... lets go on a w/e trip there one time, its only like $80 or so by bus, is anyone in? and i know you alkl wnat to ransack folds house but guys we dont know wherethat is?
give me some love people, cause you are my pussy posse and i love oyu and wnat some love. HUG ME
i wnat a tv embrace...
i am still in the life is grand mood right now, nothing is bothering me and hasnt been like all week
spring carnival was actually sooooo good and ska the whale was cute, well i liked it, soo true izl, i mean we had a hella crap maths test in the morn and the entire world failed but it didnt seem to matter and thats what i love about everything, but now we have the application next less and i ahve a feeling athst going to be hella crap the last one was, i mean who goes to mars on a parabola really!
and i have serious cheat sheet deficiencies, i cant do them and even if i include the entire world i never have what i need so dont use them my one this time is basically a big picture of teh formula, how will that help
i think ill maths circus cause i ahventy been there in like an eras worth of time and ro is making it look fun
things between bards and i haver become really weird, we've decided taht we are mates but are both the only people in the world who amke each other soooo angry we wnat to bash their head against a wall is that healthy? preferably a brick wall of course maybe with spikes so it fucks them up as well as causes them serious brain damage
anyhoo lots of love and nutso dancing
ellen
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Monday, August 30th, 2004
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something random happened at gettysgurg but we dont talk about taht seeing as it is one of the largest snore fests to come across with perhaps the exception of wesleys kagura..ZzZzZzZ... oh wait sorry i fell asleep at the thought
once again i am back to living life for everything it possesses, i mean i am always happy but there are times when i get this feeling like now when i kow everything will be good and i just want to go out and live it even if it is under a tree in the sun with a blue heaven milkshake and a controversial novel. of course all my usual anxieties are still there the ones i often worry about but they are mainly my little annoyances and self pitied issues i possess and there is are perhaps two people who could guess what they are and again i want to forgive myself for that, but back to my extreme contentment.
izl fo shizzle, no wait that doenst work ill go back to isa as it is directly derived from its origins, i am continually blessed and amazed at your presence within the group and love it all the more, i fear for my own safety what wouldve happen if you hadnt wished the pleasure of your company upon us and think after a few hiccups it has been beneficial to the group dynamics though i ahve experienced interesting anticipations.
man am i gonna do those ones where i address them to everyone i think i will continue in that fashion
snuffy... basically no one knows except me that if it ends in a 'y' thens its generally eliza but snuffy is a new one. sweet self absorbed snuffy, smile like no one is watching cause i reckon if they do then youll stop , you have all you need in your tight little hand *note hidden cryptic message but taht very hardly relates to what i would be trying to say*
megs i love you to absolutely pieces though if i try harder you might actually become pocket sized though there will be too many too carry around so i'll just take the best bits, and i dont need a preview of you rack everytime mine feel inadequate though they are very nice... yes dear
ska... be emancipated and it wont be as bad as it seems i see you and smile but only when you smile back at me and i can see it in you
katj, keep me updated cause i care beyond all belief and dont let yourself get afraid because your hand will heal but the wall will not,
jes... i ahve more to say to you then anyone else but never will and always will in everyday. you are the one that reads and reads deep, and i think you ahve updated your ellen volume of the greatest encyclopaedia of all time, you often give me answers to questions i never ask but you anticipated, you wont be broken cause no one has the strength but consider the rest
read between the lines but the lines oyu are reading between are doubtful to ahve lines between them
that is all
tune in next time for anotehr epic tale
i want to say mor ebut this is not my diary it is a post and its against the law to say it aloud
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Friday, August 20th, 2004
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| Time: | 11:09 pm. |
| Mood: |  crappy. |
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erg its all going downhill and im saddened cause all the people i was looking forward to seeing have bailed, and i think i am so upset because one of them was dan and i am slumming so much right now, the ratio m,ight still survive but it could be possible the tara to me ratio wont and i am soo sad i think im going to cry
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Monday, August 16th, 2004
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ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOMORRY AND I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO.... BUT I WONT WOOT~
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Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
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i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it work ex is officailayy one of the most horrible things ever, its me and one lady whi hs nothing for me to do as the place DOES NOTHING and now we've finished 10 hours of envelopes i have 0 to do and is just dishing off any meanial jobs that are full child labour and finally another work guy showed up walks in im in his chair he does not acknowledge me what so ever they go in the other room ahve large jap discussion which all i hear is year 10 and then she comes out and tells me i need to get out of his chair i dont think he was angry but i dont like how he deliberately ignoired me i actually felt as if he was racist against me cause i was young and western, meh i was just so bored and upset about how much it sucks, when i saw mum i cried literally cried alot cause i hate it so much, there is nothing i can learn about the workforce whatso ever all they seem to do is organize viewings of 'waterboys' i spent about 2 hours after lunch doing nothing then replaced all the letter heads on their other envelopes cause they changed addresses, i am sick of it sick of it. and girls wont be on train in morning cause i dont start till midday thank god man i wnat it to be over and i wanna be adelaide, and all i really need is friendly interactions with many people i cant stand its being so lonely, its as if they just wnat to get her out of the way, why cant they DO SOMETHING
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careers night... 9.07pm
howd it go, i hope all you guys know what you want to do with your life cause i am still sitting at arts/law diploma of modern languages 7 yrs course with 0 back ups for the 999900000000000 score you need.and it sucks
i also feel i ahve too much of undeveloped style and need to go serial shopping with a wad of cash in hand but man i need shoes as main priority.
science test sucks, passed but i always hate how i reckon they're wrong and my answer is right cause when i get it legitimately wrong i am fine with it but its always the questions i must cause anarchy over because i dont understand why its wrong.
god damn it
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beef_stew's journal
guilty.
content.
annoyed.